Comical Tommy

Reports from La'abour's zany Minister of Information

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

New La'abour - the Millionaire's Friend

The Liberaldem Infidel have sunk to new depths. Is there no end to their depravity? The latest shock is their decision to parachute a candidate in from Gainford.

This place may as well be on the other side of the planet as far as the wonderful local people of Hartlepus and neighbouring town West Bromwich are concerned. The. Other. Side. Of. The. Planet.

But the worst revelation is that they cynically stopped a millionaire Londoner from standing. This is a disgrace! Just the other day, I was saying that the ideal candidate for Hartlepus should be "a local woman in her mid-40s with some connection with local community groups" a millionaire from London. After all that Peter Mandelson has done for the London millionaire community, it would only be fitting.

I tell you, New La'abour would not dare show its face in Hartlepus if it failed to select a London millionaire.

Just the other day, someone said to me "Tommy, how could anyone beat that historic 27% swing you achieved in Hodge Hill?" I say to them: pah! 27% is nothing. We will get 30% in Hartlepus! 50%!!!! This will be the most monumental swing in the history of swings! You Liberaldem Infidel had better believe it!


  • At 13 August 2004 at 20:08, Blogger Gainford Man said…

    I got to be fair. Definitely. If the Liberal Dems scum - that's your words not mine - is bringing candidates in from other places, that's bad.

    But if other places is Gainford, that's good. Gainford is not far from the Hackworth Young Railway Museum in Stockton on Tees where I grew up, (school). And, Stockton on Tees is not only near, it's the blimming next constituency, innit!.

    So why can't a person from Gainford (like me, even if it is a lawyer) stand for this elected constituency of parliament?

    Just remember this, o wise Mr Comical Tommy [you seem quite serious to me] Mr Anthony Tony Gobsmacker Blair is a local celebrity in the Trimdon neighbourhood of this particular neck of the woods, and he is as local as a Craster kipper.

    Yours Seriously

    Gainford Man


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