Comical Tommy

Reports from La'abour's zany Minister of Information

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

A postcard from Hartlepus

I haven't been posting lately because, in recognition of my tremendously successful 27% swing in Hodge Hill, I have been promoted by Tony Blair to the rank of volunteer Bottom Inspector. Truly, Comrade Blair rewards the faithful.

So, in the meantime, I thought I'd hand my blog over to the La'abour campaign team in Hartlepus (which, I must add, I have never been involved with, and only vaguely know, despite the lies spread by the Infidel).

Nadia Ian Wright has been criticised for not having a voice in the campaign. This is ludicrous! Of course he has a voice! He is an independent and astute political genius!!! So I have asked him to say a few words here to defy the sceptics. Over to you Ian:

Look Ma - I'm on t'internet!

Wise words indeed. And now, I will hand over to Kaiser Fremp, our campaign manager in Hartlepus:

The Liberalinfidel bitch queen continues to offend the good people of Hartlepus with her relentless negative campaigning. Today, she has posted a blog entry marked "Canvassing in Dyke House". Clearly she is intimating that all women in Hartlepus are lesbians! Only the other day I met someone who once considered voting Liberaldem but has now said they would never vote for them ever again on the basis that their wife is now in floods of tears. How could they be so disgusting? There are no lesbians in Hartlepus, let me make that perfectly clear.

And what's this? Calling Hartlepus a "waste"? Accusing locals of being "loan sharks"? Are there no depths to which she will sink? Hartlepus residents are up in arms in their millions!

What is worse, she openly brags about her being a wicked drug abuser! "Cake"? Everyone knows what cake is a euphemism for! She is openly consuming cake in a house full of children! And animals!!!

I tell you, these revelations render the entire irrelevant stuff about us moving Hartlepus hospital somewhere else. This is the important stuff that will decide the election.


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