Comical Tommy

Reports from La'abour's zany Minister of Information

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

A final word from Uncle Tommy...

As I write, I am still trembling with excitement from Tony Blair's speech yesterday. Yes, I am not ashamed to admit that I soiled myself with delight when he announced that ID cards would be introduced by a third term La'abour Government. Any other true man would have done the same.

The Battle for Hartlepus is just 24 hours from ending. And though I have not been up there as much as I had originally intended, on account of me being a shameless dirtbag who went too far even by La'abour standards for various completely unforseen circumstances, I have watched from afar, as a loving Uncle watches his nephew.

And what a nephew! Wrightfromthetownwrightforthetown has been an inspiration for his generation. Never before has a candidate managed to encapsulate such localness! Even his permanent suntan is local! Never before has a candidate managed to stay so on message, whatever the circumstances, irrespective of logic, intelligence or common sense. Never before has a candidate managed to inspire so many people within his own local party, who have rallied round behind him.

Now, Uncle Tommy will give his nephew his own equivalent of a packet of Werther's Originals and pat him on the head. I present to you, the ten reasons why no resident in Hartlepus should even think of voting for Jody Dunn:

1. She's appallingly left wing;
2. She's appallingly right wing;
3. She's too forgiving;
4. She's too vengeful;
5. She picks on poor, innocent drunks, irresponsible pet owners and naked people;
6. She stands up for evil, wicked youth gangs;
7. She isn't (gasp!) quite local - she's even lived abroad! How un-local can you get!!!!
8. She isn't a London-based millionaire;
9. She believes that issues such as foundation hospitals, tuition fees, war - indeed anything apart from localness and teen gangs - are somehow relevant as an issue in this campaign!
10. She makes misleading claims about La'abour's plans to move Hartlepus Hospital to a safe place where it can be looked after by caring professionals.

There you have it - what more sound, consistent and completely and utterly positive reasons can you need to vote La'abour in your millions tomorrow?

I confidently predict that the result in Hartlepus will eclipse my own glorious 27% swing in Hodge Hill back in July. And if it doesn't, we know where you live.


  • At 4 October 2004 at 12:58, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  • At 15 July 2010 at 12:08, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    represent our first site -

    [url=] buy lortab [/url]
    [url=] generic lortab [/url]

  • At 15 July 2010 at 16:28, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    look nice first site -

    [url=] lexapro medicine [/url]
    [url=] lexapro withdrawal [/url]

  • At 16 July 2010 at 15:06, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    meet nice site -

    [url=] 500 amoxil mg [/url]
    [url=] amoxil ampicillin antibiotic [/url]

  • At 16 May 2013 at 13:10, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Appreciate this post. Let me try it out.

    Feel free to visit my web blog ... antidepressants jaw clenching

  • At 16 May 2013 at 14:25, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    In fact when someone doesn't know afterward its up to other users that they will help, so here it takes place.

    Stop by my weblog - erectile dysfunction zocor

  • At 16 May 2013 at 16:12, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    each time i used to read smaller articles which also clear their
    motive, and that is also happening with this article which
    I am reading here.

    Here is my weblog: visite site

  • At 5 June 2013 at 20:15, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Now I am going away to do my breakfast, once having my breakfast coming
    over again to read further news.

    Feel free to surf to my homepage :: depression test uk nhs


Post a Comment

<< Home